Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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