apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize