so let's talk penis.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
