we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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