The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
