Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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