I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
