I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
