Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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