do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
