My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
