I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
