Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
