I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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