we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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