just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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