dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
