Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is wine microwaveable?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
