In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
