I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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