woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
