All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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