I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
