don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
