Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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