I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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