why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
