You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize