I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize