things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
