I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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