I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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