I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
