yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
