I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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