I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
