The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
