He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
