I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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