apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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