the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
