Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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