I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
