im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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