I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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