i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
