First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
