I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
