yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
