eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
