Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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