you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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