just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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