I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
