He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
