while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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