Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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