Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
