How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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