Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
