I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
