i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
